“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.” – Ingrid Bergman
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!” – Rodney Dangerfield
How fast do you think when put on the spot? Quick….tell me a joke.
“Carrot farts!” While not an entire joke, it was the funniest thing I heard all day.
I spent time on the ski hill collecting jokes from everyone I shared a chair lift with today. Carrot fart woman could not remember the joke, only the punch line, but I respected her for the effort and the phrase by itself was enough to make me laugh.
I’m the self-proclaimed queen of the after thought myself, but remember that thing I said about disliking in other people the very qualities that we do not enjoy about ourselves?
Most people could not think of a single joke, which caused me to feel disappointment in them. This is ridiculous as they are total strangers but none-the-less, I vowed to always have a joke or two in reserve for the day when a crazy woman alone on the ski hill asks me to recite a rib tickler.
The kid friendly joke I have memorized, (shared by a friend I met unexpectedly on the slopes), goes like this…
“Why did the whale cross the ocean?” Answer – “To get to the other tide.”
A more riske joke, (told by a young man who was friends with a guy who told me a joke that I didn’t get) – I laughed anyway.
“A man buys a lie detector robot and brings it home. The programmed robot slaps anyone who tells a lie. At dinner that night, the man asks his son what he did during the afternoon.
His son says, “I went for a walk.” SLAP
“Ok ok,” says the boy. “I went to a friends and we played video games.” SLAP!
“Ok fine. I went a friend’s and we watched porn.” Everyone looks at the robot but it doesn’t move.
“Well,” laughs the man, “I’m happy you told the truth, but watching porn is not appropriate. I never watched porn when I was your age.” SLAP!
“Ha ha ha,” laughs his wife as she turns to her son and says, “It looks like you really are your father’s son.” SLAP!
That one was told to me in the moments after I had barely survived an accidental black run and so it may have seemed funnier at the time because I was so thankful to be alive.
Here is my favourite hybrid joke.
“Want to hear a dirty joke?” – “3 white horses jump in a mud puddle.” J
Other jokes I heard included a long-winded rendition by a 9-year-old girl who added many details which had no bearing on the joke. This made it funnier in the end but only because she was too young to realize. (Here is a watered down version)
A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head are standing on a cliff about to jump off (we don’t know why). A genie appears and says, “Yell a word as you jump off the cliff and I will make sure you land in that thing.”
The first girl yells “Pillows” and jumps. She lands in a pile of pillows. The second girl yells, “Cash” and jumps. She lands in a pile of cash. The third girl starts to say something as she jumps, but trips on a rock and yells “Oh poo!”
Heard from the friend of the young man who told the robot joke –
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. “How much do I owe you?” the neutron asks the bartender. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
From a friendly man and his girlfriend who had just moved to the area –
“Why are pirates, pirates?” – “Because they arrrggghh”
To which I said,
“How much do pirates pay for corn?” – “A buck an ear.”
If I could spend the majority of my time with people like my brother I would be a very happy person. That is not a joke, but he did tell me this one –
“3 nuns walk into a bar….ouch ouch ouch.”
That’s the only one I can repeat anyway…
And finally a joke from one of me best friends little boys and one of my all time favs…
“Why was 6 scared of 7?” – “Because 7 8 9.”
Do you know I actually smiled to myself while writing that joke? The guy beside me at the coffee shop thinks I a little off. Unfortunately for him, it will only get worse…I’m having carrots for lunch 🙂
So…it has come to this !
I’m challenging you to come up with a joke for the punch line ‘carrot farts’.
Rating: Collecting jokes day (8 out of 10)
- Itchy feet – 3 out of 5 (would have been more but I was fighting off a cold and not thrilled about a day alone on the ski hill)
- Twitch – how many ways can I come up with to say I still have the twitch?
- Happy hour – 5 out of 5 (a truly enjoyable experience to break the ice with strangers by sharing a laugh. The bonus end to the day was sharing dinner and a laugh with my brother)
What the heck does all that mean, you ask? Click here to get to the ‘Happiness Is…?’ page. You’ll find out why I’m doing this and if you scroll towards bottom of the page you can read about the rating system.
Tomorrow: Organize my car. Use the calendar to view my happiness tasks for each day along with a brief description of the task and why I chose it.
- The Australian Tourist (treebeard31.wordpress.com)