Day 43-Happiness is … tangled fingers


“Test driving life down a clean street leads to regret, but blisters on your feet and bloody knees are the way to happiness.” – me

I should have held her hand.

Sunshine splattered around the inside of the car off of Grandma’s wedding ring as we followed the hearse to the chapel. She had not resized it since becoming sick and it slipped around her finger as she twisted her hands together, trying to wring courage out of air. I was 20, newly engaged, and had no idea what to say to her; I did know what I should do.

As clearly as though she had spoken out loud, I heard my grandma ask me to hold her hand. She needed the touch of someone who loved her; a simple act that would convey everything without need of words I couldn’t find. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, and I didn’t move.

I could find no earthly reason within myself that I was denying the overwhelming urge to reach over and calm those restless hands. Every fibre and nerve was demanding that I obey and I fought it; to this day I don’t understand why. My regret was born when, with tears staining the make up she’d spent energy applying that morning, my grandma quietly asked, “Hold my hand please, Kathy.”

no regrets

Today I was supposed to tick something off my bucket list, but I forgot to look at it and choose something before leaving on a road with friends, so I twirled my grandmother’s ring around my finger a few times and remembered to take chances. We stopped and fed Koi in a pond, we competed in a muddy obstacle race and bathed in a river, we explored new pubs, restaurants and coffee shops where we chatted up cute men, we discovered a new sport at the beach and we dipped our toes in the ocean.

I checked when I got home; none of those things are on my list. However, during the road trip I stayed in my friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s grandfather’s apartment. The sister and her boyfriend are up and coming musicians who will be famous and the boyfriend’s dad is already is famous, so I’m ticking ‘meet someone famous‘ off of my bucket list.

My knees were literally bleeding at the end of the race and I have no regrets 🙂


So…it has come to this !

I’m 37, divorced, and I love to hold hands.

Rating: Set a goal day (9 out of 10)

  • Itchy feet – 4 out of 5 (never consciously tried to tick something off the list – guess I still haven’t)
  • Twitch – maybe I should add cure twitches to my list
  • Happy hour – 5 out of 5 (fun was had and when I did look at the list I discovered I had 3 new items to tick off from the last few months – online dating, compete in a triathlon, and learn to downhill ski)

What the heck does all that mean, you ask? Read Itchy Feet Explained.

Tomorrow: Flirt day.  Use the calendar to view my happiness tasks for each day along with a brief description of the task and why I chose it.


2 responses »

  1. This “new sport at the beach” – is this the beach with the slack-lining cute guy that you didn’t take the chance to flirt with? The one that was stated to have caused some regrets over not pursuing?

  2. Pingback: Day 59-Happiness is … pity party « 365waystobehappy

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