Day 44-Happiness is … cinderella beer


“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” – Bertrand Russell

 Flirting is easy when:

flirting elixir

  1. You are certain the person you are flirting with already knows how great you are
  2. You have no real intentions and are just playing around
Flirting is not like riding a bike when:
  1. You haven’t given it a real whirl in about 15 years
  2. You are facing real rejection that you might actually care about
Steps to flirting:
  1. Drink alcohol (I learned this one from men who cannot express a desire to know you beyond the current conversation without a drink or 5)
  2. Make eye contact and hold it while smiling, play with your hair, make physical contact with the upper part of a man’s arm, mimic the other person’s speech patterns and lick your lips. (I’m not kidding – studies have shown…)
My flirting attempts (thanks go to my more experienced friends for the plucky backbone they lent me):
  1. Walked around after a 5km obstacle race in a park full of  hundreds of sweaty men while giving full on looks and playing with my hair. Didn’t make physical contact with an arm or speak to anyone other than being bumped into a guy, causing him to spill his water cup, and apologizing for being pushed. Results – nada
  2. Walked past the line of cute firemen hosing muddy racers off for donation without a glance in their direction. Results – Whoops and hollers and a free ‘hosing’. Some good looks were thrown around and I ended up soaking wet.
  3. Sat down next to two attractive men at the bar of a restaurant and asked what they were eating because it looked great and I couldn’t decide what to order. Results – Being fed sushi by one of the cute men and promising to return and share my food when my order arrived.
  4. Made good on the promise and tried out the arm touching, speech mimicry  trick. Results – nada.
  5. Chickened out on approaching the insanely toned beach dude because, well, what would I say besides, “ble da hoo fuor ki” or some other nonsense that fell out when my mouth stopped working properly and drool started trickling down my chin. My friends had some great openers I could have tried to wrap my tongue around, but… Results – a bit of regret. I did throw him my best look but it’s possible he missed it as he had his back turned and was a few hundred feet away.
  6. Walked past the restaurant with the two attractive men a few hours, and a few drinks on their part later, and ignored them. Results – two men with liquid courage who chased us down, told us we were fantastic, offered to take us snow shoeing, and gave us their phone numbers.
  7. Chatted casually, (yes I was mimicking), with the sales guy at the equipment store while buying the gear to set up a slack line (did I mention the beach dude was slack lining?). Results – handing him my business card and telling him to call me as I was dragged out of the store by friends who needed to get to the airport on time, then being checked out by him and the 5 friends he dragged to look out the door at us. 
Flirting lessons learned:
  1. I have no idea what I’m doing
  2. Nobody else does either

So…it has come to this !

When you order the flirting elixir pictured above, it comes in a special glass. In order to drink from this glass you must give up one of your shoes which is then hung in a basket near the ceiling. When you return the glass, your shoe is returned. There must be a cinderella reference in there somewhere.

hanging basket of beer shoes

Rating: Flirting day (7 out of 10)

  • Itchy feet – 3 out of 5 (terrified)
  • Twitch – does a twitch make you unique or freakish?
  • Happy hour – 4 out of 5 (I discovered two new sports – slack lining and flirting – unfortunately the only guy I was really attracted to I didn’t spar with)

What the heck does all that mean, you ask? Read Itchy Feet Explained.

Tomorrow: Tea day.  Use the calendar to view my happiness tasks for each day along with a brief description of the task and why I chose it.


8 responses »

  1. The arm touching definately works. If you are in a board meeting and not gaining weight in your direction, (guys ) touch a few arms during coffee break, laugh and smile and it’s amazing how they suddenly side with you and your idea! Love Mum

  2. I’ve always found that nobody ever wanted to flirt with me when I was a available, but that lots did when I was unavailable. My theory is that when you’re hoping someone will flirt with you, you’re nervous and that isn’t a particularly attractive quality in a man. When you’re spoken for and therefore aren’t interested in trying to get a date, you’re more relaxed and exude more confidence, which seems to attract more flirtation.

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  4. Interestingly enough, wearing an engagement ring is apparently a great way to get more men to flirt you (if you’re a woman). You’d think it would ward men off but instead it, “let(s) them know that some dude has probably been able to trick you into (bleeping) him over and over and over, and then he’s tricked you into committing yourself legally to (bleeping) only him for the remainder of your life.” (Jezebel – How To Look Dumb and Slutty Enough for a One Night Stand) In other words, if he thinks you’ve been stupid enough to fall for one guy’s lines, maybe he’s got a shot after all.

    But let’s go with the confidence thing…it sounds much nicer to everyone involved.

    • I don’t think that works the other way around though. The flirting tends to be more common when my left hand isn’t visible. Pulling said hand out of pocket is a quick way to terminate the encounter.

      I’m not sure I agree with the assessment of why a ring attracts a man looking for a one-night stand. The ring on a woman though indicates that this is a woman that some guy thought was good enough to marry – an indication of quality. Further, since she’s already spoken for, the risk of her becoming emotionally attached afterwards is lower. Finally, if the married woman is interested in an affair, then there’s a decent chance of her having become bored with the routine and therefore looking for something wild. It’s a logical choice.

      Note, I did not say it was a “good” choice. Just a “logical” choice for a man in search of a one-night stand.

  5. Pingback: Day 51-Happiness is … admiring how sharply my first name is written « 365waystobehappy

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