Day 79 – Happiness is … never giving up

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“The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.” ~ Erasmus

Today was supposed to be a day of learning; learning more about fitness, nutrition, & health. I went to the classes, lectures & workshops and I listened, refreshed & discovered …but that’s not what I learned.

Three years ago, on the day I knew my marriage was over, I was walking through a store and terrified of life when a man approached me to say, “I just wanted you to know how radiant you look.” Then he walked off, not looking back, and I never saw him again. He was older and didn’t strike me as a pervert. He seemed genuine and I felt … taller, glowing, confident.

Sometimes happiness feels like its on the other side of the fence…

8 months ago, on the day I knew my feelings for someone were not reciprocated, I was eating cheesecake  with a girlfriend in a restaurant when the waitress came over to tell us that a gentleman had asked to buy ‘the beautiful ladies’ a drink. He left cash and the restaurant before we knew about his gesture. He seemed to have no ulterior motive and we felt… special, decadent, glamorous.

A couple of weeks ago, on the day I knew I was not strong enough to stay but goodbye was ripping me apart, I was rushing down the street when a man stopped me to tell me I was stunning. He also walked away without a backward glance.

And a few weeks ago when I was on an annual trip with my fitness friends and feeling the sting of being single against my will, I learned that there must be something about that state of vulnerability, suppressed emotion, and disappointment that makes me incredibly attractive!

4 women, of varying ages and levels of acquaintance, made a point of letting me know how much I had changed in the last few years, how I seemed much more out-going, friendly and, ironically enough, happier. They shared some of their life and I learned that all of them had found happiness, peace, &  freedom despite tragedy, failures, & mistakes.

Perhaps it isn’t the sadness that people are seeing when I feel like I’m faking it with the world. Perhaps it is the fact that I’m trying despite it all. Perhaps what makes strangers spontaneously share their admiration is the same thing that makes people cheer for the athlete who falls but still crosses the finish line. Perhaps when I think I’m oozing despair, what is really coming through is the unwillingness to give in to it… strength, determination, life.

__________________________________________________________________________

So…it has come to this !

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” ~ Agatha Christie

Rating:  Learning  day (7 out of 10)

  • Itchy feet – 3 out of 5 (had a little trepidation about the day)
  • Twitch – I learned the test results showed there are no deficiencies.
  • Happy hour – 4 out of 5 (it sucks knowing life sucks, but it’s cool to know how amazing people are)

What the heck does all that mean, you ask? Read Itchy Feet Explained.

Tomorrow: New Age.  Use the calendar to view my happiness tasks for each day along with a brief description of the task and why I chose it.

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One response »

  1. Pingback: Day 82 – Happiness is … wabi sabi « 365waystobehappy

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